Mark Twain Quotes

"You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?"
— Mark Twain

"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it."
— Mark Twain 

 "Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination."

— Mark Twain 

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."
— Mark Twain

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
— Mark Twain

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
— Mark Twain

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."
— Mark Twain

"Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it."
— Mark Twain

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
— Mark Twain

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
— Mark Twain

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
— Mark Twain